Ugh! I’m Dressed Like My Mom!

Last week on facebook, I asked some friends how they would like me to refer to more conservative plus size clothing looks. I some times get requests to show more “mature” plus size clothing styles and this always confuses me because quite frankly I don’t know what that means. But I want people to be able to find what they need, so I asked my friends if perhaps I should start referring to some clothing I wear as “mature”. The overwhelming majority said “absolutely not! clothes are clothes no matter what your age!”. Thank goodness.

The next day I went out and photographed this look. I will admit, when I put it on I very seriously thought “oh my goodness I look like my mother!”. Clogs are something my sister and I have teased her about wearing for years, but oh the wisdom there is in a comfortable shoe. My sister and I both proudly wear very comfortable footwear these days. This shirt looks like something my mom would absolutely have in her closet, and I’m wearing the most comfortable pair of jeans on Earth.

I thought to myself “what is it about this outfit that makes me think it looks like something mom’s wear?” and I realized – it’s practical, comfortable, and adorable. And none of those things are negative, in fact they’re all incredibly positive. So why does the tone of the little voice in my head think that “dressing like a mom” is such a terrible thing? Well, we don’t have hours to talk about feminist theory or the invisibility that our society assigns aging women and mothers, but I think you all know exactly why being associated with “moms” is something that people assign a negative connotation to. Aging women are seen as less desirable than their younger counter parts by our culture, and this weekend I realized that I absolutely do not want to be part of that incredibly toxic way of thinking.

So I’m saying goodbye to the little judgmental voice inside my head that tells me dressing comfortably, beautifully, sensibly, is in any way less stylish than dressing in a mini skirt and heels. I’m doing away with any thoughts of what may designate a line between youthful and mature plus size clothing styles. I’m getting rid of my own perceptions about how women of certain ages “should” dress. I’m going to challenge my thoughts about aging and what it means to navigate this world in an older body.

And when that little voice inside my head says “Oh my goodness, you’re dressed like your mother!” I’m going to remind myself of these things. I’m going to think about the women who have raised me who I look up to. My mentors, and the people who have taught me the most about loving my body. And I’m going to firmly reply back “You’re  God damn right, and I’m proud as hell!”.

What are you working on with your body positive journey right now? I love to hear where you’re at and what you’re going through!

Shirt | Jeans | Clogs | Hat (similar) | Bag

 

 

 

You can check out an amazing haul from Gwynnie Bee featuring the shirt you see in this post, down below!

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  • Hope
    March 13, 2017 at 10:59 am

    Thank you for sharing your fatshion and body positivity journey like this! I love having you as an example 🙂

    I’m back to struggling with food. Medically, I need to eat a very low sodium diet. I’m doing a /great/ job of it, despite it poking me in all the food issues. Thankfully I have lots of support with this, including roommates who will notice and say something if I stop eating.

    With fashion, I struggle with spending time or money on clothes if I don’t “need” them. I sew, and I can afford ready-to-wear clothes, but I’m so deep-down convinced that I don’t “deserve” cute outfits that aren’t for work I can’t bring myself to buy or make them. I realized recently that “too worn out to wear to the office” and “what I wear on the weekends” have become the same thing in my wardrobe. This is, clearly, not cool. Keeping the ratty dress for deep-cleaning the oven is one thing – only wearing ratty outfits unless I’m going to work is nuts. When I see a cute dress, I just can’t bring myself to buy it if it’s not something I’d wear to work. I’ve even resisted buying or making clothes just for bellydance class. “Since you can’t perform, there’s no point in wasting the time/money,” says the part of my brain that doesn’t like me. Nevertheless, I persist!

    • fatgirlflow
      March 13, 2017 at 12:33 pm

      Oh babe!!! Those struggles are something I’m so so familiar with. The food thing is so tough, do you ever read thefuckitdiet.com? They are an amazing resource for food struggles! You are SO WORTHY of getting new cute things!!!! <3 Keep persisting, love bug <3

  • Laura
    March 13, 2017 at 7:34 pm

    I always love the way you look you make me feel like if she looks that cute in something i must to!!! My big issue right now is age im a mom and i will be 35 this year i love fashion silver jeans are my fav torrid lovesick but im worried im getting to old for these sights im not worried about looking like a mom im worried whats beyond that and people not thinking i have a right to want to have fun stylish fashions its hard enough being plus sized and being judged but now i find my self worrying more about a few grey roots while trying to rock a pair of ripped up boyfriend jeans and fun accsessories then ido my weight i feel like there will always be judgment in the world of a female when does it ever end!!!!

    • fatgirlflow
      March 13, 2017 at 9:23 pm

      You’re probably right, and that’s an even better reason for us to not care what people think! You have so much time to express yourself through fashion if you so choose I say wear what you want!!!! <3

  • Neti
    March 18, 2017 at 1:50 pm

    First time here and I will be back to read more. . . I am an older gal and I love fashion just like when I was 20, but some items at F21 are just not my style, so I rarely shop there. But, you can catch me in some trendy clothes and even a crop top now and again. If you feel good in your clothes you will look good, no matter your age or size! Thanks for this post.

    • fatgirlflow
      March 21, 2017 at 1:39 pm

      WELCOME!!!! Thanks for visiting! I agree if you feel good that’s all that matters! <3

  • Karla
    March 23, 2017 at 11:04 am

    Not sure where else to put all this (instragram? youtube?) but anyway, here goes: THANK YOU, AND BLESS YOU, AND SO ON.

    Truly, though. I’ve intellectualized body-positivity for a long time, go me (?), but connecting with these truths emotionally has been a much harder battle for me. Knowing I shouldn’t be ashamed of my fat body, understanding the oppressive systems and power relations behind so much of why women with fat bodies (and all bodies outside the ‘acceptable’ norms, all genders, etc) are meant to be ashamed didn’t stop me from FEELING, deep down, that I was less because I was fat. It didn’t stop me from believing, underneath my well developed intersectional feminist shell, that I had to try to make myself acceptable with the right kind of flattering clothes, that I had to make up for my body by being extra smart, extra kind, extra everything in hopes I’d somehow get a pass on the being fat thing.

    Finding your instagram, youtube, and blog has changed a lot for me. Connecting with this movement online, seeing so many different bodies represented and seeing people who LOVE themselves has made me feel it. It’s made me want to be loud and to fight, and it’s made me proud of myself and my body, and that’s goddamn life changing. You helped inspire that in me, made it real inside in a new way. Your activism and humour and kindness has done wonders. Your video on diet culture shook something loose, I’ve felt lighter, braver, and happier with myself and what I’ve worked hard to believe and undo in my own thinking than I have likely ever. So thank you. From the bottom of my fat heart <3

    • fatgirlflow
      March 30, 2017 at 6:02 pm

      eeeek THANK YOU for reading!!!!! <3 xoxoxo

  • Jess
    March 23, 2017 at 5:45 pm

    I just found your site today, and I’m binge-reading everything. I love it! Thank you so much for sharing your style with the world!

    I’m not just fat, I’m also really tall, so finding clothes that fit properly was horrible until just a couple years ago. I’m thankful for online retailers with extended sizes. I’m turning 35 in a couple months, and I think I’ve pretty much accepted my body is big and that’s all there is to it. I try to keep things in perspective, I mean I’m healthy, happy, and (relatively) prosperous. I’m luckier than most people on the planet that are worried about the next meal for their kids and having any clothes at all to cover their bodies and sometimes not even somewhere to sleep at night. It makes stressing about being fat feel really dumb. But I’m human, and every so often I get wistful about being thinner, but I find I do that less if I’m dressing in a way that makes me feel beautiful. I’m glad I found your blog so I can get some more ideas!

    • fatgirlflow
      March 30, 2017 at 6:02 pm

      Thank you for being here!!!! <3

  • Miranda Nahmias
    May 11, 2017 at 6:59 pm

    What, why would anyone say you’re dressed like your mom?!

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