Is Loving Yourself The Same As Feelin’ Yourself?

Bodycons, Belly, and Boots // Fatgirlflow.com

I’m feeling like I can take on the world right now. I cut 6 inches off my hair, colored it super blonde, decided I don’t give a damn what the world thinks about my VBO (visible belly outline), and stopped worrying about wearing heels. I mean, for now. I’m not a magician, I realize that at any moment I could start to feel that overwhelming pressure to conform again. But right now in this moment, I just feel free.

The thing about loving yourself and knowing your worth, is that it doesn’t exactly make you automatically feel smoking hot every second of every day. For the last several months I have woke up most days and been content. Neither sad, nor excited, just peaceful. I would get ready and I’d see myself in the mirror and think “that is me”. Some days I would get a bit excited because I knew I had done a great job on my makeup, or my hair was having an exceptionally cute day, rarely did I jump up singing “I’m feelin’ myself!!!” by Beyonce. Because I wasn’t. I just felt alright. If my body was a novel and I was in the process of writing it, I had writer’s block. I was not feeling inspired.

You know what I was feeling? Secure. Stable. Unafraid. I didn’t feel like the world was ending just because I didn’t think I was fly every day. I never hated myself. This is a first for me. I’m not sure how to articulate the different between these feelings and past feelings, I just know that I made it through that time when I was thoroughly unimpressed with myself without harming my body. I wasn’t mean to it, I didn’t neglect it, and I didn’t seek out behaviors to punish it. I just sat with it, instinctively knowing that it was still worthy of respect even when I wasn’t thrilled with it.

That, my friends, is progress.

Dress | Boots (similar)

Fat Girl Flow

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  • kriste
    May 29, 2016 at 12:53 am

    would love to see a review of a diva cup from a plus sized gal’s perspective

  • Susan
    May 30, 2016 at 12:23 pm

    Progress indeed. Congratulations!

    • fatgirlflow
      May 30, 2016 at 7:54 pm

      Thank you Susan <3

  • Libby
    May 30, 2016 at 5:52 pm

    I have so many thoughts! I love that you put it out there that you can love yourself without feeling really pumped on yourself every day of your life. That’s important to talk about. With body positivity all over the place right now (and I’m psyched that it is) it feels like if we’re having a not-great day in the body-adoration department, we might be failing. Or we’re a part of the problem. But the truth is, we’re all just humans.
    I love the way that you’re putting your videos at the bottom of your posts! I don’t visit my subscriptions on YouTube that often but I keep up with my blogs religiously and I love seeing what clothes look like on video!
    So I don’t have it in me to wear a jump suit out and about but the idea of wearing it around the house or to bed kind of really excites me. (Also this is how I used to feel about wearing leggings as pants and now here we are–leggings all day every day so maybe I’ll just need to get into it.)

    • fatgirlflow
      May 30, 2016 at 7:54 pm

      OMG yes!!! That’s how I used to feel about leggings as well! Honestly, had I bought that jumpsuit in black instead of (see through) skin color, I’d probably wear it out of the house lol, but alas some things will just be for hanging out at home and feeling like a super hero!!!! Thanks for reading Libby <3

  • Jen
    August 16, 2016 at 6:21 pm

    So true!! Thanks for articulating what many of us are thinking and feeling about ourselves. I have a wedding to attend this weekend and am not feeling great about my body. I like the perspective you have and hope to get some of that myself! Xo

  • Ratnadevi
    October 9, 2016 at 11:20 pm

    I love how honest you are! Thank you!!!